I was raised in a home where I learned the story of salvation at an early age.

I don’t remember which day in my childhood I asked Jesus into my heart for the forgiveness of my sins but I can’t remember a day when I didn’t believe in him. 

I struggled with the whole concept of salvation. I didn’t understand why Christ should die for my sins. I didn’t do that much wrong. I didn’t say bad words, I didn’t bully, I went to church. 

I took this conflict to my mother. She may have been used to my spiritual conflicts.

I believe at four or five years old I had been troubled to the point of tears because I had tried to find a starting point for eternity. (If anyone can figure that out I would love to know just when eternity started.)

My mother explained the righteousness of God to me.  She quoted the verse about all of our good works being like dirty rags to God.  So I got it, even though I was a good kid, God was so much better.

Throughout the years I became complacent with the sacrifice of Jesus’ blood for my sins. I mean that was why He came to earth wasn’t it? I knew God loved me and I knew He had mercy on me. What was the big deal if I had habitual sins?

Then one day I had a “God thought” that rocked my soul like a hurricane and left me sobbing.

If the trinity was actually what it claims to be, Jesus wasn’t alone on the cross.

God was beaten and they put the crown of thorns upon His head. They mocked Him as the King of the Jews when in fact He was the King of the Universe. They whipped HIm. They drove the nails through His hands and His feet. 

That is why Jesus said, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” If God wasn’t on that cross with Him then who was He talking to?

I believe God was present until Jesus cried out, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” 

The complacency of my habitual sin evaporates when I consider this. I am reduced to tears  when I consider the crucifixion in the light of the trinity and I have repented of the sins which became so commonplace in my soul.

Because it really shouldn’t have been God or Jesus on the cross. It should have been me.