I think one of the greatest difficulties in life is learning how to reign in anger. It is a very treacherous path that is walked which can range from mud to a raging volcano.

It seems that I have a tendency to stomp on my feelings making them turn into mushy mud. I do this until the point where the squashed feelings have so much pressure that they erupt into a volcano of rage, spewing out profanity and harsh words.

I know I have written a lot about my boyfriend recently. In fact I wrote a lot about him even when I hadn’t started dating him again. During those times I vented a lot of anger that I had built up during the four and a half years that we had dated previously.

During that time period I was not allowed to confront him about the issues I felt were unsettling in our relationship. I squashed those emotions down inside my heart where they simmered like scorching lava.

When I broke up with him in October of 2012 I started letting those emotions out and when I started this blog in September of 2013 the volcano erupted.

As I was spewing out anger and hate towards him in a public forum that dear man was turning to God. God was embracing him with his love, assuring him that I was still the one for him.

That made me even madder back then. lol

I seriously fed my anger every day and kept that volcano steaming. I spammed his continual emails because they just pissed me off more but yet I was turning to God also.

On March 19th of this year God allowed an evil situation to come into my life where the only path to fight the evil was to ask for this man’s help.

In his email to my request, he said about five different times that he would do anything he could to help me. (I actually stopped spamming him at that point.lol)

When we got back together I thought that the volcano was done. I thought it was awash with beautiful flowers like the ones you can buy through  my affiliate site at http://www.Bouqs.com

Boy was I wrong. Just last weekend it erupted again and I went on a verbal attack which I did not stop until he erupted into tears. Just to think of that moment brings tears to my eyes even now.

When he started crying my heart literally broke into a million pieces. I had never felt so awful in my life. Then I started crying and he asked me why I was crying. I blubbered out, “Because I made you cry.”

I knew that I had to find a different way to handle my anger. In the recent past I had held back on my anger and prayed about it before I confronted him. This time I did no praying to God, I just lashed out.

In the Bible it says  not to go to bed angry. I did not go to bed angry that day but I sure didn’t go to bed feeling like I had been even a bit Christ like in response to him. He deserved much better than that.

I repented and apologized to both him and God but I did not want to forget that sin because I did not want it ever to repeat. He has a very forgiving heart, as I do also,  but I needed some rules to handle my anger.

The rules I came up with were:

1. Never respond in anger. Anger is not a logical emotion and it rarely holds respect in its embrace for the other person.

2. Take a moment to reflect and pray about my response before even opening my mouth.

3. Refuse to use profanity because profanity is just a sign of a very weak mind trying to make a strong point. If even one profane word comes out stop and tell this dear man that I need to hang up and take a moment to compose myself.

4. Remember that God loves even the people who get on my last nerve (for the record he was not on my last nerve.)

5. Be honest along the path. Don’t let myself squash down emotions and don’t walk on egg shells for anyone. To do that is to try to please them more than respecting myself and that never turns out well.

That is something I had to do for four and a half years with him and I have told him that that is not going to happen anymore. He has been very open, since God has been with him, to positive confrontation.

6. Realize that if I respond with anger I will either break that other person down or they will build walls up to make sure I can never get into their heart again. Neither of those paths is the way to bring about the change I am seeking, so why would I choose to walk a path which will not bring me to my desired end?

7. The conflict, anger and temper tantrums I grew up with in a dysfunctional home do not need to replicate in my home. The problems that my parents had are lessons which I can learn from. I can choose to behave in a more adult and compassionate manner than they chose.

8. If I raise my voice to someone I must realize that God is listening.  I find it very ironic that when the Holy Spirit wishes to impart truth into our Spirits it is always done in a whisper. It is these whispers which I cherish and hold close to my heart, not all of the yelling and screaming that I have been subject to through my childhood and my first marriage.

9. In addition to profanity the moment I start raising my voice I need to step away and tell whoever is the cause of my ire that I need to take a moment to calm down. Then when I have my anger under control I will resume the conversation.

10. It is a shame that those we love are those we hurt the most when we get angry but that is a choice we make and all choices can be chosen differently.

Let me know what you think of this and let me know if you have any other strategies which may help not only me but others who have struggled with anger.

Thanks for reading!