While I was in college I was pursued by a man who used abuse to control me.
I had broken up with him but felt remorse so I went over to his apartment in the evening.
He had been drinking.
He said I was just a tease because I was still a virgin but yet very desirable.
Then he pulled a gun out and threatened to either rape me or kill me.
The swat team prevented him from doing either.
Thank God for them and the neighbor lady who called them when she heard me screaming.
What made me think that a man who could do such evil would be someone capable of love?
The answer lies in my childhood. I learned as a child to accept emotional and psychological abuse through verbal attacks because my mother had chosen to be bitter and unforgiving.
Because the emotional and psychological abuse from childhood had forged a path in my soul that indicated I was not good enough for a man who respected and loved me.
In the Bible it says that you should train a child up in the way they should go.
To yell at a child and say cruel things to them is to forge a path down the avenue of abuse. Is that really what we want for our children?
An abusive childhood is a very difficult ditch to crawl out of as an adult.
God does not seek for women to be subjected to abuse. God is such a tender and loving Father and one who cherishes His daughters.
In the Bible the Lord says that we are to be in submission to our husbands.
Does that mean we are to submit to abuse?
No, for in Colossians 3:19 the Lord commands husbands “to love their wives and never treat them harshly.”
Abuse is harsh.
We as women are to be loved in the same measure as Christ loved the church, giving His dear life for our sins.
If a man loves a woman to the extent that Christ loved the church submission is a privilege, not an obligation.
It is important for us to teach our daughters to seek men who love them in this way.
This is the only way the generational curse of abuse can be broken.
I believe that my sweet and beautiful daughter has chosen a man who adores her and she has no problem submitting to his wishes.
They are such a beautiful and compassionate couple and I hope that through them the generational curse of psychological, emotional, verbal and physical abuse has been broken from my blood line.
If that has indeed happened then that is the greatest gift I will have given to my future grandchildren.
First, my dearest Gracie, I am so sorry for how your mom treated you in your childhood. Why people feel the need to be mean to their children or anyone else for that matter escapes me. It just doesn’t add up.
Second, it is apparent that God’s arms have always been around you. I say that based on the story you tell about the abusive boyfriend that had ill will towards you. Thank goodness there was a neighbor that was alert and willing to call the police or who knows what would have happened.
And third, stopping the cycle of abuse. That is so, so, so very important. My x father in law was and is still the abuser. He abused his children and wife and now he abuses his own grandchildren. Mostly violent rages and financial abuse, but once they find something that works the abusers tend to stick with it.
In my case this son of a bitch told my 15 year old daughter that if she went to the college of his choice he would buy her a brand new car, but if she didn’t don’t expect any help from him with college. This son of Satan is worth 10 mil dollars and he tells this to my daughter in front of me. If he will say this to my daughter in front of me, what the heck was he telling my x when I wasn’t in the room. Oh, by the way, he built my x a million dollar lake house to divorce me. The day after our divorce there was a brand new $30,000 boat in the boat house. This man will rot in Hell.
Sorry, still a little bit of anger in my bones. Its almost out now.
I am so glad to hear from you! I was thinking you may have dropped off of the face of the earth. That is rotten that your x’s dad was so manipulative and abusive. Money does strange things to people and not many of those things are good if the person is inherently evil
Gracie, I still read your posts everyday. Sometimes I just don’t feel like saying anything. But be certain I am reading what you have to say. As far as the x and her dad go, I tend to want to blame him but like my friend says, its not his fault. She knows what kind of man you are and what kind of man he is. It was her choice to be purchased with his money and reject my love.
But in the end, all Narcs calculate the value of what someone can do for them over what kind of person they are. Once that value dries up, the person is no longer useful and discarded like an old paper towel. Its really no more complicated than that. I brought that lady coffee in bed every morning, picked up my daughter from school so she could go do fun stuff, nursed her when she ripped her knee up. All the things a husband does out of love for his wife. But that doesn’t stack up against trips to Europe or a house does it.
Get out of the house today and tomorrow and enjoy the weather before the yuk returns on Sunday. Its golf for me again on Saturday. I’m glad I didn’t make the T-time on Sunday. Have a nice weekend Gracie.
I have the back door open to my backyard. I have written my post and now it is time for me to start cleaning the house.
Keep me in prayer. I am at a fork in the road and I am thinking I will have to go back into nursing because God is not helping me with my finances in my venture as a Christian writer.
I figure if He really wanted me to do this then it is up to him to provide the finances through different avenues. He hasn’t done that and I have to pay my bills.