I have been quite distraught lately and that is not a comfortable feeling for me. I have shared with you about my fear for my future and wondering if this path that I am walking on with God will provide the financial future I desire.

Yesterday I listened to a sermon about demonic spirits and their desire for us which is to lie, steal and destroy. I have felt the presence of Satan in the past few years and at various times in my life. It is a dark and horrible presence to feel but I know without a doubt that God is greater than this presence.

At times like these I feel abandoned by my God. I feel as if He is cold and unfeeling and has not heard my prayers and once again I am going to have to do everything without help from Him or other Christians.

This is a dark and destructive delusion.

So today I am going to list as many things in this post which I can remember of times in my life when I felt His presence and knew without a doubt that His hand was protecting me.

First, I was born with a tumor. It was a teratoma. God gave the surgeon the skill to remove it and at six weeks old the tumor was surgically removed. Without that surgery I doubt that I would have developed normally because my mother said whenever I moved one of my legs I cried with pain.

Praise God for doctors and for His hand in the operation.

I was blessed with parents that took me to church and some of my favorite memories from my childhood are tied to my childhood church. The Christmas programs, Daily Vacation Bible School and teaching DVBS as a young lady are such cherished memories. I don’t know if it had anything to do with me, but some of the young boys who I taught and who were very fond of me are now in Christian service.

A place of worship where we can collectively worship our God is such a privilege.

At eleven years old I became very ill with a disease called Viral Encephalitis. I was in a coma for six weeks and in a hospital for two months.

The doctors couldn’t do anything to stop the disease. They told my mother that she would have to rely on God.

That is exactly what she did. She prayed with faith and would not give in to doubt. She believed that God was a good God and he would not take a sweet child like me home before I had lived a full life.

I came out of the hospital in a wheelchair. The doctors said I may become a vegetable.

God had a different plan. Three years later I was an outstanding track star of my school and a straight A student.

Praise God for the healing that He gives through the sacrifice of His son.

As I grew into a young lady and went to college I stepped away from church but I could not bear to step away from God. During the time that I stepped away from the church I made the decision to marry my husband.

We were unequally yoked in so many ways.

Yet I am so thankful for him being in my life. Without him I would not have had the experience of loving someone like I loved him. I would also not have had the ultimate joy of being a mother.

Even though I have experienced great pain as a result of that marriage I am thankful that he has been such a present dad for my children. He loves them in a different way than I do but I know he loves them and they love him.

I praise God that he gave my ex-husband the spirit of love for my children and I am thankful that they love him also.

During the break up of my marriage I went through a horrible period when I had panic attacks and thought I was on the brink of insanity. One afternoon I felt a warmth traveling through my body and I believe that was the healing touch of God breaking free the demons of fear from my body and mind.

I praise God for that healing and also praise God for the compassionate doctor I had during that period of time who did not place me on any antipsychotic medications but showed me such compassion and understanding.

As a single mother the presence of God was so real I know without a doubt that He was protecting me.

He protected me from evil on the night which someone in my neighborhood got murdered.

He protected my children from a pedophile by exposing the evil within this man before I even had a chance to consider accepting his offer of a date.

He pursued me with the passion of a desperate lover when I chose to spit in His face and date a man for two and a half years which the Holy Spirit had warned me was toxic.

I have never felt love like that in my life. It was sweet, protective, yearning, desperate and all encompassing.

That disobedient relationship that I chose to walk into has turned into one of the greatest memories of my God.

I realized through that relationship that walking away from God would only cause me harm and although I cried tears while in that relationship, it was literally ripping God’s heart into shreds.

I praise God for His loving pursuit of me. There is just nothing greater or more romantic than being in a love relationship with God.

I have struggled with ADHD all of my life. You think that if God could heal me from Viral Encephalitis that ADHD would be a walk in the park for Him right?

I realized just recently that this weakness is actually a gift.

I am considered to be somewhat good looking and have a presence that can attract attention when I walk into a room.

I am above average in intelligence and score pretty high on those silly genius tests just because I think a certain way.

I am someone who is disciplined in keeping my body in shape and God gave me a pretty terrific body to start with so I enjoy keeping it toned.

All of these characteristics of me could lead me to arrogance. Believe me I love thinking I am prettier, smarter and in better shape than others.  Then I do something totally stupid and I come tumbling off of the mountain of arrogance because of the wonderful thorn in my side which is my ADHD.

Without this I may not struggle like I do every day . Without my ADHD I may not seek God on a daily basis.

For even in my weaknesses I praise God because whatever causes me to seek Him is all good in my book.

Thank you for spending the time to read this. I hope to have many more additions to this. Writing this has helped me fight off the demons and therefore you, by reading this, have partnered with God to bring about good in my life.

I humbly thank you.