The other night my thoughts were distracted by God. I was in Bible Study and God’s spirit was whispering into my heart.
I had some challenges at work and I was stressing. Then the thought occurred to me that God had made me who I was and if I had challenges He was fully aware of what I was going through. I didn’t need to beat myself up anymore. What I needed to do was to draw close to Him and grasp His hand, like a frightened child, asking Him for guidance.
It was more than that though. He reminded me that when people asked who He was, He said, “I am that I am.” There is no one who can tell God He isn’t good enough. Likewise He made me unique and special in His eyes. I have felt His love and Joy coursing through my Spirit from the time I was a little girl. Then why did these challenges vex my spirit?
Because they caused me to doubt myself and threatened my self acceptance.
I have such hard time with self acceptance because I did not grow up with accepting parents. I was never comfortable in my childhood home. I still don’t feel comfortable around my parents. That does not mean I don’t love them, I do, but I don’t understand them.
The fact remains that God is fond of me and He has put me in a company where I have been highly favored. However, highly favored many times means that your cup of responsibility is overflowing. It also means you have to continue to stretch your muscles so that you can run harder, and faster, as well as longer.
There was a time in my life when I had chosen to date a man who was the definition of toxic. He verbally abused me to no end. For some reason I could not break away from him. Until one night when I heard the Holy Spirit speak into my heart the words, “You are good.”
The next night I saw written on a sheet of paper in my dreams “You are who you are.”
I think that a God who says “I am that I am,” would also be the same God who would write on a paper in my dreams “You are who you are.”
Somehow being connected to that kind of God is just the most awesome road to self acceptance I could ever imagine.
