I was looking forward to today. I imagined a fun day with my two sons. The morning was fun but the afternoon was spent in silence.
In the morning I took my sons to go see my good friend, David. He testified to my sons about what God had done in his life. I enjoyed the breakfast with him and he gave my sons a lot to think about.
On the way home my oldest son started to argue with me about the legal action I was taking against his father. I told him I didn’t want to discuss the situation.
He kept at me, telling me that if I was successful his father would have to foreclose on his house. His father has more than one house so I am not sure which one he was referring to.
Then a little later in the conversation he had with himself, because I was not responding, he said that I didn’t need my house.
Really? Like he would enjoy having Christmas at the homeless shelter next year?
He went on and on attacking me with words. Asking me to fight back with the same weapon. I chose not to engage. I have done so in the past and I find that I usually defer to profanity when I am frustrated. I am trying to work on that weakness in my life and I knew that I would also raise my voice which I saw as a counterproductive strategy.
Then he asked me if I loved him. I remained silent. I don’t think the question should be if I loved him but if he loved me.
I know this legal battle is difficult for my children to go through but it is something I feel that I must finish.
I don’t know if I will win or not but I have a lot riding on it and this is a fight for justice and a fight against discrimination.
I have been trampled on by the court system, deceived by the legal profession and mistreated and abused by their father. At some point I finally had taken enough and decided to fight back.
I know that my children loved me when I was the victim of this injustice. It remains to be seen if they will love me as a less of a victim and more of a victor.
I don’t know that they are capable of seeing clearly because their father has painted their window in life through the viewpoint of his narcissism and is now playing the role of a possible victim.
Today was a victory for me though in that I chose to hold my tongue. The Bible ways that if you can bridle your tongue you have control over your whole body. I did well in that regard.
Gracie, this is your blog site so you don’t ever have to post anything I write but I would like to share this with you. I am pretty certain you are a prayer person so I would ask that you “throw a little something my friend’s way”
My best friend sinse 7th grade needs a new heart. I mean really, a new heart transplant kind of new heart. I will never forget, it was the same day my favorite childhood dog Sandy died, and my friend, who’s name is Ben, calls me from the Stanford Hospital in CA. This was in 1983. He had Non-Hostgins cancer in his lymph nodes In 1983 they just blasted your body with radiation, there was no precision targeting in those ” barbaric days” Anyway, they told his family back then that this is probably going to mess up your heart down the road, but the other option was that the cancer wouldn’t all be eliminated.
Eleven years ago he had his first heart attack and should have died at 41. They told him 95% of people with your heart don’t make it. 2 quick stents that day, with the defibrillator shock treatment and the whole nine yards. & 7 stents later and the meds just aren’t working anymore. The heart is just about useless now. They pumped 20 lbs of fluid our of his chest last week. When he told me that I was just like, are you kidding me.
Anyway, they are going to put a heart pump in his chest next week. Ben was all fired up about it. Its called a ” Heart Mate-2″ which is really good because they have improved from the “heart mate-1” And then he goes on the “wait” list. Because he is young with two school age children he has a higher priority over someone that’s 70 years old, ( Unless you are Dick Chaney)
Anyway, just wanted to share. I love your posts. They are always short and to the point, full of meaning and life, and true. So, rock on Gracie.
I will keep your friend, Ben in my prayers as the Spirit leads me to pray. This must be hard for you to see your friend going through this. I will keep you both in my prayers.
Gracie, words can not express how proud of you I am. To see their mom grow a backbone is not something they will soon forget. EVER ( please forgive me for not knowing the whole story. You may have been a strong fighter the entire time)
It is really pathetic that the dad plants the seed “that he could loose his house to foreclosure” when the kids don’t have a clue what is really going on.
Again, I am proud of you.
Thanks I have endured a full day of verbal abuse and manipulation from my sons. I know now why he wanted them to come over for more than one day. IT was for this. Thanks so much. This is really hard for me because I have always done and given so much for my kids and I just feel so abused by them now.
Gracie,
When my daughter was young some of the girls could be pretty mean and she was bothered by that. My advice to her was ” Treat everyone with kindness and respect, the rich and the poor, the pretty and the plain, and the smart and the simple, we all fall short of the Glory of God.”
The people that matter will notice, the ones that don’t matter won’ care.
She has lived by that and it has served her well. I struggle with that daily because I am the target of character assassination daily. Unfortunately its just what disordered people do. After 15 years it seems like he would be so over that.
So, I try to treat everyone with kindness and respect, I fall short a lot, but that is what kind of person I want to be. The thing I need to work on is to “speak no ill will towards or about anyone”
I have a teenager myself, so we must filter what comes out of their hearts and verbalized with their words. 99% of the time teenagers just say stuff without filtering it first. Its what they do, they are teenagers.
I can promise you, your kids are right now saying to themselves ” I really wish I did not say that to mom” They can’t help it. They are young and comfortable enough around you to let it all hang out. I bet around their dad their word filter is on high alert, making sure they don’t say anything to really piss dad off.
You are sweet my friend and I appreciate your comforting words. I read one of the blogs that you referred me to today and will write a post on it this morning. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, compassion and concern with me. It means so very much.