I was raised in a house where words were used as weapons. Rejection, criticism and put downs were a commonality.

As a result of this, I have had a sensitivity to critical words and I tend to let them linger in my mind far more than is necessary.

My mother is a champ at negativity and criticism.

Recently when I was home she asked me to try on some of her clothes, most which were three sizes larger than I wear. I took some of them home and will probably sell most of them at a garage sale but others I can actually use.

As I was trying on the sweaters she said she did not like seeing the rolls on my back. I am a teensy bit over my ideal body weight and with that travesty comes some rolls of fat. Believe me, my mother has quite a lot more in that department than I do. So from then on I removed myself from the room she was in, if I needed to try on clothes.

The next morning she sat on my bed as I was waking up and said, “I don’t know how to say this to my daughter but I think you need to have a breast minimizer. Your breasts are out of proportion with the rest of your body. I don’t want you attracting wicked or evil men.”

I was shocked and then I was amused. My mother is a hoot. She is so scared that I may actually be considered sexy that she wanted me to change what God has created me to be. I have no intention on reducing my breasts in any way shape or form.

I realized at that point in time that it wasn’t my rolls of fat but where some of my extra weight had settled that unnerved my mother. For the record, she has never had much in the breast department but has been quite blessed in the belly department. So I tossed the insult aside because I considered the source of it to be envy. I am working on getting down to my ideal body weight but that is because I feel most comfortable there, not because my mother is jealous of my curves.

My daughter can be a slight bit critical also. Those times are very few and far between in comparison to my mother, though. For the most part she is a sweet and positive beam of light in my world. Each and every day I see her growing sweeter and kinder with her many friends and even me, her Mom. There are times I actually sit back and just stand in awe of how wonderful she has turned out.

However, living with me is not always a piece of cake. One of the things my daughter complains about, is the way I slam the garage door. Her room in my house is right above my garage and when I slam that door her whole room shakes with fear.

A few days ago I heard my daughter sneezing upstairs in my house and I knew she had caught another cold. She asked me very nicely if I could be careful not to slam the garage door, because she wanted to get some rest. Well I was quiet as a mouse and was so gentle with that door that not even a tremor could be felt in her room. She slept for a full 13 hours and got over that cold in 2-3 days. I was so ecstatic!

I think in pondering these two instances in my life I have come to some conclusions about criticism.

First, try to examine the motivation for the criticism. If it is an evil motivation, then disregard the criticism. Such as in the case of my mother where her motivation was envy.

Second, if the criticism can be used for your good, use it. I think it is a good habit for me to be closing doors gently instead of slamming them so hard I risk dislodging the joints in my house.

Third, sort through criticism of all kinds to pick out what you may need to work on. I know I am a bit over the weight I would like to be at but I will not assign negativity to the weight I am at. I enjoy being curvy and I do attract men but they are not wicked or mean or evil. They are just men who have remarkably good vision. LOL