I remember the day I wrote the post that forgiveness does not always include reconciliation. In fact, I may have felt at that time that it should never include reconciliation.

While I was writing that post I was being pursued by a certain person whom I had chosen to walk away from. I knew the reasons why I chose that path. I was firm that it was God’s will for me to choose that path.

I fed my resistance to this person daily. The bad memories were a buffet to my thoughts of indignation, unforgiveness and my heart grew hard with scars. Any time I felt it softening I would dredge up more bad memories.

This person said that God had changed him. I didn’t believe that he was capable of changing. I thought it was just another ruse to have me open up my heart to him again so he could control and manipulate me.

When I met this man a short time ago I was suspicious. He started telling me what God had done in his life and the walls of resistance started toppling.

Then I saw the changes.

He had changed. He was giving me space and his desire for control was gone.

As I searched my heart deeper for God’s direction I realized that if this man was being transformed by the Holy Spirit I had no other option than to open the door wide for reconciliation.

I also realized that part of my problem was that I had a hard time trusting God.

My life has been difficult and I have been manipulated and abused by more than one man who has claimed love for me.

Somehow I have equated these poor choices I have made with a mistrust of God.

In blaming God for my poor discernment I have allowed my peace to be stolen by those who wish to harm me.

I have sought to be loved by men who are not connected to the origin of love, which is God. So many wounds to my heart have been due to my poor choices and my distrust of God’s provision.

I think I am ready to let go and trust God.

I don’t know what the future holds but in Isaiah 26:3 the scripture says, “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

I think it may be time for me to start trusting God instead of myself.