My mother is 83 years old and she tends to complain quite a bit. She rarely says anything positive.

I have tried to change her to no avail. I have realized that changing her is not something that is ever going to happen.

She is also quite bossy so this time I was visiting her I told myself to “listen closely and do exactly as she said when helping her with the meals.” That seemed to work well, at least she didn’t go all hysterical on me because I did something the wrong way.

So far she has not attacked me in a critical way yet. I am amazed because I thought she would be focused on my weight. I am currently underweight to the tune of 10 lbs. I have eaten more in two days at her house than I eat at home in a week.

When I packed I made sure that I packed clothes which were not skin tight so that she may not notice how slender I was.

She has good reason to worry about me being underweight. I was somewhat anorexic in high school and it got worse in college.

This visit has been different from other visits. I usually think that I should be afforded a good time since I am the daughter. During this visit I have put the emphasis on them, not me.

I have tried to make sure my mother and father had some help around the house. I have helped mother with every meal that I possibly could help her with. I have listened to her negativity and let her vent although it sickens me that she can never see good in anything. She gets offended at the craziest things and I have listened to every offense.

I have felt less stressed this time. I have come without any expectations. The only expectation I had on this visit was that I wanted to try to make it a good visit for them, not me. It has turned out to be a good visit for all involved I believe. I may just have to use this perspective on a frequent basis.