We all put on a front at times. The ol’ “I am fine” front. I must admit “fine” is the farthest place from where I stand right now. My reality is not fine right now at all.

I gave my two weeks notice at my company last Friday. The only reason why I was staying at the company was because they paid half of my health insurance package. I realized as of last Friday that they had decided not to do that anymore. They charged me close to 400$ for my insurance package. My paycheck was 305$.

When I called to complain, they said I had not been working full time for them and that was a full-time benefit. This is where it gets like demonic crazy because the reason WHY I wasn’t working full time was because the company is NOT successful enough to give me full-time work.

I have worked with this company for close to three years and feel as if I should get a gold medal for dealing with all of their lunacy. Personally, I don’t think they will be in business within a year or two.

Yet, I have not received a medal and I sure as heck haven’t received a sustainable wage, but every time I hear the news, I hear how good we are doing as a country economically. You couldn’t tell it by my bank account.

This has me upset on several counts. #1. I don’t like quitting. But I want to remain in my home and that requires a suitable paycheck 300$ is nowhere near suitable. #2. I don’t have a nest egg anymore. That got wiped out by my ex-husband several years back. #3. My family farm income is now being threatened by my brother’s ex-wife. Which is so wrong I could just scream. #4. I wish I could say that I just chose the wrong home health company to work for but most of the ones I have worked for in the past few years don’t pay squat.

So I have several options…

My novel is on the final step in the pathway of publication. I have sent it back to the publishers several times for corrections and each time the list gets shorter for corrections they need to make. I could just finish the novel and start on my second book which will be a companion Bible Study guide to my fictional novel. (Don’t know if I have enough savings to fly this option on a kite of reality)

Or I could drive back to my parent’s place and help out with my Dad while he is on hospice. My mother is a pack rat and she could use some help sorting through boxes.

So far I have not made a decision as to what to do. I need prayer because I am really scared and I don’t have a nest egg to fall back on. Yet I know if I seek God’s will he will provide because He has done so time and time again in my life. It is just that balance beam of faith that I must walk which is making me jittery.

Please pray as God directs and thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring. You are all amazing!