I have had several friends over the years who have had affairs with married men. I tried to understand why they had made that choice. They were young. They should have been looking for a husband who they could start a family with. What was it that made them want someone unavailable?

In one of the cases the man was higher up in the company that my girlfriend was. Did it help her in her career?

Another one got involved with a coworker. He ended up leaving his family for her and living off of her income after he got fired.

Another one was a friend of a friend. The mistress was a flight attendant, the man a pilot. The affair had lasted a very long time. By the time I met her she was old, unattractive and desperate.  I couldn’t imagine her being attractive to anyone at that point in time. The pilot had used up her cute years and she had freely given him that right.

I was newly divorced when I was approached by a married man. I was a nurse and working in a nursing home. The doctor who was the medical director started taking a fancy to me. He started rubbing up against me in a patient’s room. It was a very uncomfortable situation to be in.

He had a reputation for having several girlfriends in addition to a wife. I tried to avoid him. One day when I was charting he sat down next to me and he started becoming “handsy”. He said, “if this is bothering you, let me know.”

I looked at him and said, “You have a wife and a girlfriend. You aren’t ever going to have me because I don’t play second or third base. I play first base or nothing at all.”

He removed his hand and we remained professionals which is all we should have been to start with.

if you are a mistress to a married man, I hope you realize you are playing either second or third base. Every woman deserves first base. If you do get to first base with a married man, it is a stolen base. What is stolen once can always be stolen again.