There were more than a few people who shook their head at me. There were probably many more who judged me. But I couldn’t ignore the nagging in my heart. The relationship I had been in and out of for so long was not working and I had to walk away once more.

I didn’t cry, nor did I miss him. I just walked away. It wasn’t like I had someone better in the wings either. I had a couple of guys that were interested in me but I knew they wouldn’t fit the puzzle of my heart either.

My mother asked me why I didn’t love this man.

He took me to the top restaurants. My children loved him.  He was successful. Occasionally we would go to the Symphony. In addition, he always brought me flowers. I am not talking just on one occasion either. He brought me the most beautiful bouquet every time he walked over the threshold of my home. He took me on shopping trips. When I wouldn’t allow him to see me he would send me gift card to make sure I didn’t go hungry.

He fed and took care of my body and my worldly needs in exquisite fashion but my heart and soul was starving for true intimacy.

I paused for a moment when I responded to my mother and then spoke from my heart. “Mom, he doesn’t have God.”

My mother sighed as the truth sunk in. “Yes, I understand. You have always had God, even as a little girl you had a connection with God.”

Wait a minute… I walked away from a man who took care of my every need for a God I could not even see?

You bet I did because I knew that God had always had me in His hand. He has let nary a raindrop fall on my head in the midst of a torrential storm which tore apart homes and pelted cars with destructive hail. He has healed me from diseases which were supposed to kill or maim me. He has sustained my sanity through the most horrid evil of family court. I have felt the devil breathing into my face and God has sustained my breath.

If I was to have a relationship God had to be on the throne and that was all that mattered.

As I turned my back on this man. God did something I would have never suspected. He pursued him. It was like they became best friends and I was on the outside looking in.

I can’t say that I always made the right choices when I walked away. However, this man, whom I now love, did. He sought God like no other man I have ever known. He got up in the morning and read the Bible every morning and prayed for me.

When I would be ugly to him he would go to Jesus. I am telling you that dating him is the closes thing I know to hanging out with Jesus. We praise God on our dates and share the word of God together and pray quite often also. We need to pray and read the Bible more but we are just starting again on our wonderful journey so I must be patient.

I have turned around now. I have stopped walking away. I am now walking towards this man.

As the Bible says in Psalms 37:4 ” Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

This man  has what I have always secretly desired. He has God. And now he has me also.