As a little girl I could not for the life of me figure out my mother. She was always concerned about stuff – her house, her plants, her nick knacks, her clothes, my clothes, etc.

She also wanted to have everything stay clean. She would scream at us kids if we messed anything up that she had just cleaned.

I mean we lived on a farm. Clean shouldn’t have been in her vocabulary.

I don’t know if it was a backlash against her or not but when my kids were little I didn’t care whether or not the house was clean. I didn’t scream at them because of stuff. They got punished if they were mean to each other but not if they spilled a cup of milk.

As they got older and I bought a new house cleanliness became more important to all of us. Teenagers like to have friends over and they prefer to have a house presentable when that occurs.

I tried to understand my mother and it occurred to me to look at how history had influenced her. She was raised during the depression. Money was scarce and things were even scarcer. If you had something, you were taught to take care of it because it may be the only thing you had for a while.

Although I was not raised in the Hamptons, I wouldn’t consider myself poor as a child. My parents bought me wonderful gifts and what they couldn’t buy me they made for me.

I never had to worry about what I would have to eat. My mother had had to eat lard sandwiches as a girl to keep weight on her. I never had to eat that. My mother cooked the most fabulous meals ever on the farm.

I guess what you lack as a child may be what you strive to attain as an adult.

I lacked a sense of peace in my childhood home due to my mother’s obsession with cleanliness and her affection for things.

My mother lacked a sense of provision in her home due to the financial stress her family suffered during the depression.

I think it is a sign of maturity when you acknowledge that  the things you lacked as a child don’t have to define your direction as an adult.

I have realized as my family has matured that I take great joy in my house being clean but it is not so important that I would  attack someone with abusive speech to attain that perfection.