“Hello darkness, my old friend.”

I thought you were gone. I have done everything within my power to force you to leave. Each time I take a deep breath and think I am clear of your influence, I realize that you are still lurking in the shadows of my present life.

I was deceived. You slipped in as a friend, then became my lover and soon my thoughts were not my own. You were the judge of every move I made and every word I spoke. You domineered every spare second I had, making sure it was spent to please you.

My relationship with God suffered because I had opened the door to you… yet again. I felt the torture tearing at my spirit. I didn’t want my thoughts and time to be spent on you. I intended the focus of my life to be God centered.

My friends said they saw the change. You were stealing my joy. I was no longer what I had once been. I missed who I had been and joy was becoming a reality I could no longer grasp.

The mess you made of my heart was horrendous. Somewhere deep inside of my psyche I knew I was playing a role. I had been an actress when I was younger and the acting job I did for you should have attained an Academy Award. I chose to pretend I was happy, when each and every moment I was dying inside.

Finally I attained the strength to walk away from you. It wasn’t easy. The memories still haunt me at times. I mean we were friends at first and then lovers. We did have some good times but they were shallow and empty. The times we had couldn’t even touch the wonder of the times I have had with God.

Yet my body still cries out for the excitement of your embrace. Yes, my flesh still lusts for your hands to caress my body.

I have to remind myself why I locked you away. I am joyous again. My time is now my own. I know I have locked you in the closets of my mind for a righteous and holy reason; to be closer to God.

But you keep screaming out, reminding me of the “fun” we had, enticing me to think that my life is boring without you. I scream back at you, “I am at peace! Leave me alone!” You back off for a moment and then come slithering into my mind on yet another unknown path. I hate you in one minute and love you in the next second.

To be in your embrace is to betray myself. I know this… so why am I searching for the key to unlock the door to the darkness of Temptation?