My mother is a conversationalist. However, there are many times I feel as if she lacks effective communication skills. She has a tendency to focus on events or circumstances which have hurt her and therein lies the trap of negativity. Occasionally, after hanging up with her, I feel as if I have been drained of positivity.
Yesterday, I called her while I was driving to Dallas. (I have a car phone so I was not distracted)
She told me some of the challenges the rain in the Midwest was presenting for her.
My dad passed away last year and so now the maintenance of the house is her responsibility. She mentioned that she needed to check the basement for rain seeping in. In addition, she was looking at having new electrical covers put on her plugins because they were shorting out.
I told her how proud I was of her for attending to details. She is 88 years old and does not miss a beat.
Then she began on the slippery slope of helplessness. She started complaining about the rain and how difficult it was for my brother to farm. It is the time of the year when cultivating the corn is of essence for a good crop. Yet, a farmer can not cultivate in mud.
This was a problem that neither her or I could solve. I knew I needed to steer the conversation down another path.
I used my effective communication skill of redirection. I merely asked one question, “How are your flowers doing, Mom?”
She effectively catapulted out of the valley of helplessness and victimhood, sprinted up the “happy” hill and started telling me all about her vast garden.
We chatted for quite awhile and she imparted some great gardening wisdom to me. At the end of the conversation I told her I had really enjoyed it and she said she had too.
So back to my original thought process-effective communication skills.
How do you communicate effectively with someone who is trapped in negativity? Do they have any subject which seems to breathe life back into them? In other words, do they have a “happy hill” or “happy place” you can lead them to in conversation? I think it is imperative to help redirect these kind of people through effective communication skills.
My mother said she had spent the day completely alone. An outing with my brother had fallen through due to the rain. Not only did we trade stories about gardening but by the end of the conversation I knew that her spirits had been lifted. Sometimes effective communication skills are less about words and more about direction. Directing a person to their “happy hill or place” is always a good path to choose.
If you would like to read more about effective communication please read my novel, The Shattered Vase. The single mother in that novel is amazing and she definitely communicates with effective skill! Just click on the following link please. https://store.bookbaby.com/book/The-Shattered-Vase
For more about me and my mother I invite you to read the following post. https://singleparents.dfwhostingwebsites.com/7905-2/
