I am not one of those Christians who hear from God often. I wish I did. When I hear the voice of God the wisdom and truth in the message are breathtaking.

I try to obey the voice. That still soft voice which I know speaks words to comfort, encourage and lead me in His paths.

There was a time in my life when I didn’t listen.

It was because of a man. He was funny and he was an editor of a magazine that I had aspirations of writing for.

God had called me to be a Christian writer. Wasn’t that the same as being a secular writer? (NO, it wasn’t the same.)

The Holy Spirit warned me about him. “He is toxic” were the words that I heard. .https://singleparents.dfwhostingwebsites.com/dating-a-monster/

I didn’t see any toxicity. I saw opportunity.

The Holy Spirit gave me one more warning. “He doesn’t care whether you are successful or not.”

That was all right, I could handle the success department and I dove right into the pits of hell.

The man had been very successful, but when I met him the bubble of success had busted and he was struggling to pay his electric bill.

I could pay mine though, so what did it matter?

He verbally and emotionally abused me. It got to the point where I knew the next step was physical abuse.

He never drove to my place. He finally told me he had lost his license because of drunk driving convictions.

I was the one who drove him to the courthouse so that his probation officer could verify that he wasn’t driving. On these trips he heaped more verbal and emotional abuse on me.

Why did I put up with it?

I don’t know, but I know God never for a moment abandoned me. He went after me like a crazed lover.

I was surrounded by friends who constantly told me to get away from this man.

My children said that I wasn’t as nice as I had been before I started dating him.

My daughter even said,”If you marry him, I will go live with my Dad and stepmother and you know I don’t like them.”

Then the dreams started coming.

I dreamt that I was walking in his backyard and I could hear the rattle of a rattlesnake, but I didn’t walk away, I walked to the snake and the snake bit me.

I believe that this dream was symbolic because I had stopped smoking years before I met this man and since he smoked I thought I could just try it again. I did and even though I puked the first few times, I became addicted to a daily dose of nicotine through the cancer sticks called cigarettes.

I had another dream. He lived by the lake. In my dream the lake was dry and barren. I knew if I continued with him my Christian life would not have any bounty for God.

I still continued to date him. He had the typical character of an abuser. He was a perfectionist. The only thing in his house that was out of place was the dust on his furniture and I dusted that for him.

He constantly made fun of me and insulted me for being who I was – a creative, intelligent and joyous soul.

He denied that he was an alcoholic despite three DWI’s. He didn’t drink until after five pm.

In the evenings, when he had been drinking,  he would call me and tell me how wicked I was and how selfish I was. I would dissolve into tears.

I had begun to doubt myself. I asked my children if they thought I was selfish. They said, “No, you are one of the most generous people we know.”

The doubt still lingered and each day I would try to do something good for someone or something.

The abuse continued to slash at my heart and soul. It was like I had opened the door to the devil and he was wrecking my soul with his hate.

Then one night as I was sleeping, I heard three words which changed my life. I knew the voice. I  heard it before. It was that gentle whisper of God. “You are good.”

The next night I saw a piece of paper in a dream and a pencil was writing a message to me. The message was “You are who you are.” Very similar to what how God defined himself when He said, “I am that I am.”

I have never in my life had people accept me as I was. They always have wanted to change me, so when I heard this it was astounding.

I broke up with the man soon after. I held a lot of anger against him.

One of my dear sweet friends said,”You know you have to forgive him.”

I replied,”I know, I just have to figure out how.”

I did figure out how to forgive him. Every time a bad memory would come knocking on the door of my brain, I would slam that door shut with praise for God.

The God who passionately pursued me with love and acceptance when I had clearly walked into the embrace of the devil.

That is a God who was willing to sacrifice His only son to atone for my sins, so that I could live in eternity with Him.

Have you asked Him into your heart so that He can show you how much He loves you?

If you would like to purchase my novel and learn the story of a single mother who has experienced the love of God, please click on the following link.

https://store.bookbaby.com/book/The-Shattered-Vase

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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