When someone offends you do you forgive them?
What if they keep offending you, saying ugly and negative things about you?
What if they have betrayed you?
If they have lied to you, do you trust them ever again?
It depends on how you view forgiveness.
If you view it as a gift to them you may want to hold on to it. They really don’t deserve a gift.
If you view forgiveness instead, as a gift to yourself, you may be more apt to give it freely.
Think about it. When someone is nasty and you keep that in your heart how do you feel? Nasty.
When someone is rude and you are rude back doesn’t that make you what you weren’t to begin with, rude?
I read a book last week that gave a very interesting interpretation to forgiveness.
The book was Estranged by Jessica Berger Gross.
It was about a life of a child who had been physically abused by her father.
In this book the main character sought the counsel of a female rabbi to seek the meaning of forgiveness.
The rabbi’s response was as follows:
“The Hebrew word teshuvah usually gets translated as ‘forgiveness,’ but the true meaning is a ‘return to your finest self.'”
“Forgiveness,” she continued, “is a process we go through with someone else. It’s not instantaneous. It can take years to say I’m sorry, and years to forgive. And sometimes it doesn’t happen.”
Forgiveness is returning to your finer self – before the betrayal, lies, abuse and negativity harmed you.
The ones that continually do harm to others will remain just that – harmful and nasty.
If we hold on to our bitterness we will soon become like them.
So for this Valentine’s day do me a favor and give yourself a gift of real love.
Give yourself the gift of forgiveness and return to your finest self because we all know you are the finest. 🙂
reprinted on 2/7/2014 on Harsh Reality
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Hi thank you, harsh reality made me come here,
I am following. For me it is hard to forgive my self
more than others. And is so true it takes time to heal
and to forgive. I needed this today thank you for that.
I
You are welcome! And thank you so much for following. OM has been so very kind to allow me to guest blog on his popular blog and has taught me so much in the process. I hope you continue to be blessed and receive comfort from my blog. 🙂
Good Morning Gracie,
Thank you for this post. Forgiveness is a place I am trying to get to. Betrayal is a hard one to let go of and possibly the hardest because it includes all the nasty stuff; lies, hiding, and deceit.
I especially like this line.
“Forgiveness is returning to your finer self – before the betrayal, lies, abuse and negativity harmed you.”
I keep trying to “find” that guy that I was before all the hell broke lose. The first of many betrayals happened about 13 years ago. Many a night she would go out with her girlfriends in large groups and hang out at the popular bar of the day after their woman’s meetings. I had no problem with that whatsoever. If she was having fun all I asked is that she call and let me know when she would be home. Then on the first night of betrayal she would not answer her phone and did not come home until after 3AM. I was beside myself with fear. She had always called before but not this time.
To this day she will say “it wasn’t 3 it was only 2” Gas-lighting? From that day forward I could never really trust her. But what was I going to do? I had a then 4 year old to take care of. So, there is a lot for me to process and forgive.
Yes, dear but forgiveness is the one door that can open or close the gates of heaven for us. If we choose not to forgive we separate ourselves from the love of our Holy Father. It is important for you to focus on the love He has for you and let the memories of pain and betrayal slip away. In doing so you may receive peace and in fact have a touch of heaven on earth. I remember when all of the memories of betrayal kept attacking my mind when I was first divorced and I realized one day that those memories were only hurting me so I refused to “rent out space” in my brain to memories of betrayal. It is within your control to close or open the door to the pain. It is not denial it is merely protection. Hugs sweet man.
Gracie,
I have to disagree with this one statement: “If we choose not to forgive we separate ourselves from the love of our Holy Father.” Because nothing separates us from the love of Christ. He knows my pain. He knows what I have been through. He knows everything. And he cares.
My mistake was marrying someone that was not a believer in the first place so I guess I really can’t blame her. I was young and she was and still is smokin hot and the sex was and always has been awesome. I think they call that “enthralled”.
Anyway, I am still processing all this stuff. I think I am getting just a smig better day by day.
And you my friend have been a blessing to me like you can not imagine. All through this journey of recovery God has sent someone to “hold my hand” and I think I am almost at the finish line but I am not sure.
It is not the heavenly Father who separates himself from us when we choose not to forgive it is our walking away from His spirit which causes the separation dear. Us turning away from him to feed our own misery is the cause of the separation, never Him. His primary goal throughout eternity has been to reconcile the lost into His love.