You know how when something doesn’t work out it is so easy to lay blame on someone or something else? Recently I quit my job because I just couldn’t make any money at that company.

I thought about my jobs that I have had in nursing and I realized I was never going to be making the kind of money I wanted to make if I stayed in nursing.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t a good nurse. I was a good nurse and my bosses and patients seemed to like me.

Yet, when I think of all the years I have been a nurse, I realized that my nursing was always second place.

When I was a single mother my nursing always took second place to my kids. I lost several positions because I always put my children in front of my career.

As my children grew up,  I adopted another fledgling career, that of a Christian writer.

My writing has completely consumed my heart because it draws me into deeper intimacy with God.

I pursue my passion of reaching others for Christ through writing as if it is a lover who is constantly just beyond my reach.

This past week I needed to go to my old company and return some supplies. I also needed to pick up two last paychecks. I had waited until I was not angry because I truly loved the women I worked with and I did not want to burn this bridge.

As I reflected upon my nursing career I realized there was no one to blame for the lack of income I have gained in this field.

There is only this gnawing awareness that I have not surrendered all to God for the past twenty years for that is how long it has been that I have known the calling that God has placed on my life.

That calling was not to become a nurse it was to be a Christian writer. I have tired of blaming others for my failure to surrender fully to my God. I hope and pray that as a Christian writer I can make a living that allows me to take care of myself and others.