This morning when I awoke I felt the feeling again. I feel it most mornings. It is like a bit of anxiety and I know if I ignore it it will just come back stronger. It is something which I have struggled with for a long time. I am addicted to Nicotine. I am not addicted to cigarettes, in fact, I hate smoking but I do have an uncanny liking for those Nicorette lozenges. It is a bad habit.

This morning I brushed the feeling aside. It went away, only to come back stronger later.

I started thinking about other things I do which seem to be a habit. There are times when things happen in the company I work with which seem a bit of a mistake. I get angry when these mistakes cause me more work. It is amazing that at those times I conveniently forget some mistakes which I have made. These mistakes have caused an immense amount of work for my company and they have been kind enough to continue to give me employment. (That is called selective memory impairment on my part.)

Yet when someone in the company has the audacity to make a mistake or forget that I am a diva I used to have a certain path I walked on. First I would call one of my friends in the agency when these minor inconveniences happen and complain and gossip and go on and on. Then I would brood a bit and then maybe call another friend and go on some more.

I have decided that that is not the path which I should take anymore. I should brush those thoughts out of my mind and not make those calls. Gossip is a very destructive path and it is ineffective when you are trying to resolve an issue.

There is another problem with taking this path and that is that I truly love the people I work with. I have respect for each and every one of them and know that they are a very intelligent and competent collection of professionals. If I have a difficulty it is my privilege to take that difficulty to God and pray about it, asking Him to intervene. Then it is my duty to do the extra work without any complaints.

In the end it is in my best interest not to gossip or complain about my job. I spend a lot of hours working and if I am not happy, it may be the path I have chosen, not the company I work for.

*** prayer request – If anyone feels led by God to pray for a release from my Nicotine addiction I would be thankful. I am really sick of having to pop those stupid lozenges or chew the gum. I really prefer to be only addicted to God and not some kind of chemical. Thanks!