I live in an awesome neighborhood that is full of parks and walking trails and even a swimming pool complex for the summer. The only problem is that we have not been able to swim much this summer. We have an epidemic of pooeys in the pool.

Today it really got out of hand, not only was there a pooey which had appeared in the lap pool, which I go to frequently, but apparently there was also a pooey in the activity pool, which has a slide.

I don’t know why the parents in my neighborhood do not teach proper pooey policy to their children. I mean, really, I think that if you are a responsible parent pooey pool etiquette should be a requirement for going to the pool.

I think back to the stuffy little town I grew up in and throughout all of my childhood there we never, ever, had a pooey in the pool problem. If any of us kids had slipped a pooey into the pool we would have been the talk of the town and mercilessly ridiculed.

It is a bit different when you live in the city and every time I go to the pool I hear different languages being spoken. Which is fine and I am not saying the foreigners are the pooey problem, but it is just difficult to publicly shame someone if you don’t speak their language.

Furthermore, I imagine it is most likely little ones who are popping the pooeys out into the pool. Some of those littles, if not all, are immensely cute. I adore little children and do not want them being ridiculed.

So I have sat by the pool during the decontamination process and while baking in the summer sun I have gone through different options to stop the pooey problem. I have considered starting a petition to keep the lap pool reserved for adults. Which would be a problem because the adults at the pool are clearly not as cute as the kids and I love being surrounded by cuteness.

I have considered doing the Caddyshack stunt and throwing a mini Baby Ruth in the baby pool just to let the babies know how it feels not to be allowed to swim because someone has put a pooey (Baby Ruth candy bar) into their pool. With my luck I would score a whole bunch of babies who love Baby Ruth bars and they would eat them before the pool management even noticed the “pooey” floating in the pool.

Today I realized that I may not have to take revenge. Whoever is popping pooeys out in the pool must eventually have to take a bath right? Well if those sweet little ones pop pooeys into the pool what is saying that they won’t do it at home in their bathtub too? Once the parents have to clean up pooeys out of their bathtub maybe they will think a bit about how other people feel when their kids pop a pooey into the pool that we all swim in.

Just the thought of that made me smile like a cheshire cat.