Yesterday was another day that was difficult. They come every now and then and it seems as if they come in clusters.

I had had a very strenuous weekend at my parents place and had done a great amount of back breaking work for them. My boyfriend came along and helped for which I am thankful but the fall out from the weekend was not nice. We have been arguing ever since.

So yesterday when my daughter asked how my visit to my parents went I was honest and she blew a gasket. She told me I was selfish to complain about having to do work for my parents, even though she has never once lifted a hand to help them and does very little to help me.

She didn’t stop there though she went on and on about what a lousy mother I was. Usually I respond with silence to her outbursts because I know they are fueled by the poison of her Dad but yesterday I did respond back. I told her that for her to call me selfish when she is living in my house without a penny of rent being paid to me is a bit ironic to say the least.

She ended the conversations saying that I “used to be the best mother ever but I had fallen off a cliff lately.”

I didn’t respond to that, instead I prayed about it looking for insight. I realized that I had changed in my role as a mother. When they were little I sacrificed my career for them many times. I turned down invitations from friends to go out. I measured every man I dated by how they would influence my children.

Through prayer I realized that I was changing in my role as a mother. I was trying to break free and become a woman who could worry about herself for a change.

I was a good mother, I still am but they are not little anymore. I do not need to coddle them and smother them with love, nor do I need to sacrifice continually for them.

I have done my job and have done it with excellence. It is time now to gradually step away from my role as a mother. It is time for me to take care of me and concern myself with my future so as not to be a burden to anyone when I get older.

The term for this time of life is the empty nest syndrome but I think it is more than that. It can be so much more. It can be learning how to soar through the sky with the wind beneath my wings with no one other than God to guide me.

I love my children and I always will but I am eager to start loving myself.