A couple of days ago I was talking with a friend. She was going through the horrors of the Family Court system.
I have gone through that insanity one too many times. I had an ex-husband who was over $10,000 in arrears and had a judgement against him to put him in jail for ten days.
He had decided that he wanted custody of my boys at this time and instead of putting him in jail for ten days the judge gave him custody of my boys.
This was due to no negligence or abuse on my part as a mother. Both of my sons had not one word to say against me when talking to the judge. They even said my boyfriend was terrific.
Although it doesn’t seem fair or just I am glad my ex did not go to jail. I really didn’t want him to have that on his record. I don’t wish him any harm.
There were times during this craziness in the family court system that I wanted to just disappear and/or run away.
My youngest son said one summer that he wanted to run away from his Dad also. I understood that feeling but I didn’t give him any support for that thought process.
Neither of us ran away. We stuck together and supported each other.
I want to encourage those of you who are involved in the family court drama to continue to be involved in your children’s life. I know it is hard, I have been there, but your presence in their life is crucial.
I know that the judges in the family court system seem not to know the definition of justice.
It is important though, that any child who suffers through the trauma of divorce remain convinced that both parents love them.
Family court is a bed of insanity at best. I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head during that insanity. I thought about leaving the country, running away, changing my identity and considered suicide.
I realized through this that it was okay to think crazy thoughts when you were involved in a crazy situation. What was not okay was to act on those thoughts. I would only spend a day allowing myself to think crazy thoughts then I would push them aside and pray.
Throughout the few years that my sons lived with their Dad when they came to my house for visitation, I gave them the same love, if not more love, than I had before.
As I talked with my friend she said she was thinking about giving her ex full possession of her son. I told her not to do that. Her ex is not a safe parent, she is. I told her her son knew that she still loved him even if he was living with his Dad but if she gave full custody to her ex he may wonder about her love.
It is important for both parents to be involved in the child’s life but I have observed that one parent is always the “safe” parent. Unfortunately, the family court system many times will throw the safe parent under the bus.
