As I prepared for my court date yesterday to try and win the back child support I had an overwhelming concern.

If I lost would I think that God still loved me?

So many times circumstances can be camouflaged as God’s love or disapproval.

I detested every minute of preparation for this court hearing. It is not my nature to be vengeful. That may be why I did not look at the time of the court appearance close enough.

When I found out that I had missed the time of the hearing and the case was dismissed I was furious. Not at the judge, but at myself and even more at God.

I wondered why the Holy Spirit hadn’t nudged me to look at the time on the court papers. I wondered why I hadn’t been more diligent in preparing for this hearing.

Then I remembered how many people had prayed for me regarding this hearing and how many dear souls had shown me support and I realized several things.

God is in control and He still loves me.

He also loves my ex-husband. He desires for my ex-husband to open his heart to His love.

Would winning this court case have furthered that cause? I doubt it. Furthermore there is no guarantee that I would have won. If I lost I would have sunk into despair like an anchor.

It is not my right to take vengeance. That is God’s right.

My responsibility is forgiveness, prayer and peace.

To forgive myself for being such a silly nut who worked so hard on this and then dropped the ball at the end of the game.

To forgive my ex-husband for being the selfish man that he is.

To forgive a system which, in all measures seems unfair, and has been such a difficult system to work with.

Once I have the peace of forgiveness in my heart I need to turn to God and see what He wants me to do next.

What path should I walk on now?

Should I go back into nursing as everyone else has suggested or do I continue to follow the path of being a Christian writer which is what God has suggested? Could I do both and keep my sanity?

For those of you who have interceded for me in prayer I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It is your prayers which have given me peace. I know that the outcome of yesterday was not what I wanted but it is what God wanted.

Only God knows the future and only God knows what damage could have been done if I would have succeeded in my fight for justice.

All of the money in the world can not achieve peace.

True peace comes from God and it is priceless.