I heard about the book, Fifty Shades of Grey, long before I read it. I wondered what all of the hoopla was about. Then I borrowed it from my daughter and started reading it.
I found that the male character in the book was somewhat inspirational as far as his mastery of life and also his level of wealth.
I felt that the female character was pitiful and manipulative.
The literary quality of the writing was nauseatingly sub par.
Being of a feministic persuasion I was horrified that so many women found this book to be enticing.
Around this time in my life I dated a couple of men who were into BDSM. The first one swept me off of my feet on the first date. He was handsome, intelligent and could sing and play piano better than Frank Sinatra.
He also explained to me why women find BDSM exciting. He said that the brain can not process pleasure and pain at the same time so when you are in the mode of pleasure and someone introduces pain it goes on the same path as pleasure, increasing it exponentially.
It was only after a couple more meetings and some pretty extensive conversations that I realized what this man was capable of. I came to the understanding that to continue to date this man was to risk being psychologically tortured in his quest for control.
Those of you who know me from reading this blog know I would not tolerate that for a second. I did admire his honesty though. A true abuser would not have exposed his plans prior to brainwashing me into thinking I deserved the psychological abuse.
The next man only hinted at what his fantasies were. We never got to the point were his fantasies became a reality.
I have found that there is something attractive about a man who is dominant but something very manipulative about a man who is into BDSM.
There is a very fine line separating the two entities.
A man who is dominant does not doubt his worth. He knows how to handle himself. He also knows how to respect a woman.
BDSM is abusive and includes no respect.
Although I could not stomach reading any more of Ms. James’ books, my aunt told me that she had a friend who read all three. She said it was a classic expose’ on an abusive relationship and eventually the girl ditched the guy.
I am concerned for the effect this has had on women and the harm this series has done to promote women as capable human beings worthy of respect.
My friend that I mentioned in the previous post said his wife had read Fifty Shades of Grey. I wonder if that was a contributing factor in her decision to return to her abuser? If it was these books may have done harm to many women that are at risk for being abused.
With this in mind I would advise women who have had a history of abuse to avoid reading any of these books or books of this genre.
Gracie, we did have a special night. We spent it with my 80 year old parents, brothers, sisters, grand kids, great grand kids, and other friends and family that are alone.
My parents are 80 and oh so feeble. What is really sad is to see your parents morph from able bodied people to feeble and in many ways helpless human beings It seems that growing old after 70 the change is as rapid in reverse as it is growing up from 1 to 10 years old.
The best part of Christmas Eve was when me and my daughter went to the early evening church service. I love this place. The music is modern based soft rock which seems to touch my spirit in magical ways.
Its not my mind or my heart but my spirit that is engaged when singing and reading the words which explains why my eyes well up with tears and run down my face and there is nothing I can do about it
This is my first Christmas after the divorce so it is kind of strange. Its hard letting go of a dream where the husband and wife loved each other. But it takes two to make that dream come true. It would be so strange to not be able to love, so empty, so barren. I have always loved and loved abundantly but I just have to make sure that the next time I give my heart away it is to someone that will treasure and protect it and never break it.
Merry Christmas!!!
Sounds like you had a wonderful Christmas. It is important to strip the old paint off of the portrait of your life with your former wife and pick bold and brilliant colors to paint a new portrait of what your life can be as a single man of God. In due time if you draw close to Him and He has some special lady set aside for you, you will find love again. If not I can tell you from being a divorced woman for 15 years that the love of God is sufficient and He will strengthen you and guide you along the way.
I am proud of you
I am grateful for God’s work within my heart. I believe he has a wonderful man for me but I have to learn how to respect myself and honor the calling He gave me before I will meet him. I hope you and your wonderful daughter have a lovely Christmas.
Gracie,
Have you spent much time reading Pastor Dave’ Blog, ” Graceformyheart” Its a really good uplifting support blog, all Christ Centered, and helped me a lot when I was in my darkest days. Here is the link.
http://graceformyheart.wordpress.com/author/graceformyheart/
Yea Gracie,
I got the message loud and clear for the last 13 years but I just didn’t want to hear it. The message was ” you don’t matter” “you are not important to me” and yes ” I don’t love you”
So it was nice to hear someone tell me and remind me that I am a good guy, a kind guy, and a fun guy.
Have a wonderful evening tonight with your children.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas also. I had Christmas with my family today and it was awesome. They appreciated the gifts and the good food also. Had a crazy date tonight with a man who invited me to the Florida keys next week. I think I will pass I don’t go with men to exotic locations unless I know I will enjoy the man better than the location. I was proud of myself though I didn’t even kiss the guy. Getting stronger and better with God’s help.
My dear Gracie, thank you for your understanding. My biggest fear right now is breaking someones heart or hurting anyone in anyway. So thank you for your forgiveness, I never want to cross any ones boundaries in any way I became a believer when I was 13. Picked up the bible and started reading proverbs and loved it. By the time I graduated high school I read the Bible front to back 10 times and God’s word shaped who I am, but I have flaws, oh do I have flaws. And right now, I am broken, so very broken. One time my daughter told me ” dad, you teach the Gospel all the time” and I asked her what she meant. She just said, ” everything you teach me comes right out of the Gospel”
You are making a wise decision to “Wait” on the Lord. I read your post from today. I am not even close to that stage of seeking another woman but I did have a date today. It was a lunch date so there would or could be no possibility of intimacy. We talked for 3 hours and it was great. This person has known me for years, the old me before the abuse from my ex and she helped me remember who I was and am. In the past month, two woman that have known me for 35 years have tagged me in a FB photo with the caption ” I love this man” One of them was my date today and the other is a wonderful woman that is happily married.
We both need to surround ourselves with “safe” people. People that truly care about us. My next date with the woman from today it Church Sunday.
I am thrilled for you. I hope this leads to happiness. It is nice to have people who build you up instead of tear you down. I hope it goes well for you.
Gracie,
You have some explaining to do. How in the world did you meet two guys that were into bondage stuff? Really, how did you meet these guys?
And how did the conversation dovetail into BDSM? Did the guy take a bite of his steak and nonchalantly say ” do you prefer handcuffs, leather straps, or rope when I tie you up tonight?”
I really want to know.
ok I have realized I may have given too much personal information in that post. lol
Delete the post Gracie.
I wrote the post for a reason and I find it inappropriate that you are ordering me to delete it.
I refuse to be phony on my blog or in my life. So if you don’t like it then you can just not read it but I am honest in all measures on my blog and for you to try and assert control over my writing is to step over a line I don’t allow anyone to step over.
Sorry Gracie, don’t be mad at me. I just thought when you said you may have given out to much information the thought of deleting the post may have been something you were thinking about.
Please forgive me. I truly meant no harm. I actually enjoy all of your post including this one.
That is ok I guess I took it wrong. You are so forgiven. I am sorry I took it wrong also. It is just that I have no respect for people who are phony Christians. I have sinned and although I take no pride in my sin I also do not hide it. I also try as hard as I can to analyze the actions and behaviors that I engage in to try and make sure that they align with God’s word. That post was about a time in my life when I loved God but struggled to live my life in a way that was pleasing to him. To be honest the struggle is a daily thing with me. I think it is for most Christians. Once again you are forgiven. I hope you know that I bear no grudges against you and no bitterness at all.