I have a mother who is very bitter and unforgiving. I have fed the monster of bitterness within her soul. I fed that monster my pain looking for it to give me comfort. It didn’t give me comfort, not even one  morsel of comfort.

She made me believe that I needed to tell her everything I was doing, who I was dating and what my ex-husband had done to hurt me recently.

She wanted her monster fed. In feeding her bitterness I sunk deeper into the hole of my depression.

It did nothing to help me. It just made me more of a victim. 

I hate being a victim.

A phone call to someone, who is now a good friend, helped me out of my depression.

It was a phone call about my finances which have been meager since my marriage to my ex, some twenty-seven years ago. I was discussing a re-finance on my house with this stranger and I broke down in tears.

He didn’t fall for my victim act. He told me that I was not a victim.

What? How did he know?

That is the role my mother had played so well. I thought I had that role down pat.

He told me I needed to be strong and then helped me with my re-finance. He finished the call by praying over me. 

Whenever I think of him I think of him with gratefulness, not anger or indignation. He helped me stand on my own two feet, strong and independent, encouraging me not to get lost in my pain. 

I have learned that some people feed off of the pain of others. Some people revel in others pain to make their “perfect” life more perfect such as my sister.

Others tend to use pain to open the wounds of their own heart to the monster of bitterness, making that beast obese with misery.

They may not even see the disease within their own soul but if you are wise you will see it and run from it. 

It is one thing to offer comfort and solutions to a person who is fighting a battle. It is a far different thing make them feel that there is no way to win the battle because you have not won yours.